Obviously I am somewhat kidding. But then again, maybe not.
We all know of that hot chick that ends up being a dud in bed. It's almost like you are engaging in necrophilia - she's just laying there because being hot is all she has to do.
We also are familiar with that hot dude that bones like the energizer bunny. He has no rhythm, doesn't return any favors, and finishes in five minutes. It is all about him and what he can achieve. He might be big, and he knows it, but he doesn't know what to do with it. Or he just doesn't care.
The reason beer is like sex, is because it's all about attitude and effort, my friends. Craft beer has a great attitude because they brew their beer with passion. They want the end result to please the drinker. It is not always about the money. Can big beer companies say the same? They are trying to please the stock holder and that is it. Craft brewers are very particular about what gets released. They may brew a new beer and it doesn't meet their standards, so they don't release it. Their pleasure is derived from creating something spectacular and making sure their customer enjoys it. They aim to please. It is easier to please when you are not pigeonholed in by stock brokers or good looks. Craft brewers are free to be themselves, just like good sex partners are free. You are free to be you, change your approach, adapt to the individual as you see fit. People are not a one size fits all. What works for her doesn't necessarily work for him.
When it comes to sex and performance, I'm not the best looking person, but my attitude, effort and mystery more than make up for it. On the other hand, I have a hot friend who is the life of the party, and sex with her was recently described as vanilla. In terms of excitement and variety, I'm craft beer and she is big beer.
Craft does not require big advertisement dollars. It does not require you to be cool to drink. It certainly doesn't try to convince you that if you drink its yellow fizzy stuff, all these awesome sexy things will happen. When was the last time you saw a craft beer commercial outside of Sam Adams? Even Sam Adams keeps it simple with their ads. One cool thing is they even use their own employees in the commercials. However, the majority of big beer companies pay models to sling their cheap swill. "Less filling, great taste." Yeah right. When it comes to drinking a good beer, calories don't matter and taste does. But they don't seem to understand that.
Craft beer is the lady in the streets and the freak in the sheets. She will more times than not blow your mind and leave you wanting more. If you are smart and have taste buds that go beyond a horny teenager, craft beer offers you a variety of tantalizing tastes. You have ales, lagers, IPAs, bocks, porters, stouts, hefeweizen, marzen, so on and so forth. All these are willing to give you a different experience, anyway you like it, depending on what you want. When was the last time the yellow fizzy stuff did that for you? It is predictable, boring, and you're still thirsty afterwards! Craft beer is the quiet one in the corner that is overlooked because the loud mouths, talking out their asses, constantly writing a check their ass can't cash is too busy taking over the room. The masses enjoy the nice shiny stuff. Those who are smart are willing to talk to someone outside of the box.....
Craft beer is charming, smart, confident. You want more, and they don't have to say or do a damn thing. Their mystery says it all. How do you turn jasmine into beer? How do you get pumpkin inside of a beer? Agave? Pineapple? Coco? Coffee? Orange? Spices? How do you have such an aroma that it gives the drinker a near orgasm before they even taste it? You're intrigued by all of this and you haven't even had a taste yet.
So the next time you pass on the beer because they didn't wow you with a big Super Bowl commercial with frogs, ridiculous sayings, Clydesdale horses (though I do love the horses), and models just remember....
Avid fan of awesome beer and awesome people. Anyone who has good taste in beer is all right in my book.